just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
