I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
