I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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