Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
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