just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
