So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
