i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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