omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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