I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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