Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
