If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
