i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
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