She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
