id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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