mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
