I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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