just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
