I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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