I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
