That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
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I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
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btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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