he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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