never play flip cup with pint glasses
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
