You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
