News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
This house was built for laser tag.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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