Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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