I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
