I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
