Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
