It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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