Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
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