I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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