Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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