Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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