Acid is not a monday night drug
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
