After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
the day after is always just damage control
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
