Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
