I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
my being single is dangerous.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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