just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
