hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
