is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
