My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
You took a bar mat shot.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
