My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
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