Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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