At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
