i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
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