Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
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