Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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