Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
