They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
