Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
