I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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