you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
