I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
