why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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