my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
