On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
