wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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