Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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