Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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