man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
