the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
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