Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
