the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
