i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
