Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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