I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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