My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
