You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
