He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
