I need help removing her.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Randomize
