I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Randomize
