i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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