He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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