dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
