guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
