This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
