i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
