I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
