I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
