This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
