If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I could fuck to npr.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
