I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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