So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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