Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
