Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
