I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
