i don't plan on having that self control this summer
someone get that fucking seahorse.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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