i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Randomize
