I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
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