So drunk, too bad you don't want this
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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