I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
